It's Only Me and You

Just when you thought living in a place with no network coverage and solely depends on rainwater as water source are challenging enough, try to imagine when your only source of communication - the ELECTRICITY - to power up the satellite internet and other domestic usage e.g lamp, fan and most importantly the refrigerator is also down when you need it the most.

Imagination could be wide but it can't beat the real experience of living in the situation. FIVE DAYS equals to 120 hours without electricity was indeed an adventure I myself could not believe I survived. Had to finish our frozen food supply as the fridge could no longer freeze, the night turns longer like it's winter but the temperature around you suddenly turns higher, and the worst of all - lost our only way to communicate with the outside world.

I learnt a lot from this experience of which I realised it is more of a blessing for me. When I thought I had the worst situation nobody could ever get their hands on, there are others who had experienced worst than I do. I have always prayed to have my own time of "uzlah" and alhamdulillah I have my prayer granted, as it comes together with abundance of blessings in disguise.

The best part of all, when I thought that I was going to get through this alone, a powerful reminder came and remind me again and again that Allah the Almighty has sent everybody away, so that it's only me and Him.

"Abah and Mama, alhamdulillah Yani ok, jangan risau, Allah ada."

All praises be with Allah, the Only one.

Life-Changing Journey

Alhamdulillah, we have safely arrived at SK Long Kesseh after a tiring, adventurous five-hour journey from Miri town. I departed from Tawau for Kuching on 11^th of March 2013. I arrived at Kuching at the night of the departure. The next day, Yan’s family held a prayer (kenduri doa selamat) in Kota Samarahan. Only his family and relatives were invited. The prayer by the congregation was a heart-touching for me as it made me missed Abah so much when I heard some of the ayats that were recited; as Abah has always been reciting the same doa (prayer) when we prayed together.    

Looking back, I was Abah and Mama’s adventurous-turned relaxed daughter as I had a huge life-changing moment in my life after I finished my SPM examination. I went to school every day by myself and return home at the end of the day, repetitively for consecutive five years. The thing that I now realised and very grateful for is that when I was in secondary school I did not stay in the hostel. I was ignorant of how hostel life would be like. I am my parents’ only daughter who stayed at home during my secondary schooling years. I had more time with my parents than my other brother and sisters do.

When I was in school I admit that I really admired my English teachers whom I think were the most brilliant people I have ever met in my life. The English words uttered fluently from their mouth mesmerised the little me. I found that their solidarity with me was even closer when they speak English. I felt more respected. My Mama was one of them. We did not really communicate in English orally but when we texted each other we would be using English. When I first knew that I would be pursuing my studies in TESL, I was excited as I had my wish granted. It was a course that I really have my full interest in. I also received an offer for Mass Communication course in UiTM which was my second choice. I wanted to improve my English proficiency; therefore, TESL and Mass Communication really caught my attention. The only thing was, Kuching would be my destination if I accept TESL instead of MassCom. To be honest, at that point of time, I was actually more excited to go to Kuching as it would me first time stepping on the Borneo Island which was indeed a place that was listed in my to-go-list. Thus, cross out MassCom and book ticket to Kuching for me!

I knew TESL was a right choice for me as this course offered me and my other fifty six course mates an opportunity to go overseas. This TESL course in IPG Kampus Batu Lintang was a twinning programme with University of Otago, New Zealand! All we need to do is to pass the foundation years and first year of degree final examination with flying colours and off we go!

Alhamdulillah, praise be with Allah the Almighty, I passed my one-year-and-a-half foundation years and I get through my first degree year examination in Kuching and was all set for New Zealand. I flew off to Dunedin, New Zealand on 8^th of February 2010 and came back to Malaysia on 23^rd of November two years after. I went back to Kuching on 2012, to finish my final year of degree. It was five years and a half in total and that made me away from home longer than my other siblings. 

Writing again soon, insyaAllah. Miss Nurul is now here, SK Long Kesseh!

Syahadatul Haq

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

My Sunday has been very meaningful today, with the presence of my beloved sisters in Islam who came to Baitul Imtiyaz and spent their precious time with all of us here, to vigorously gain the knowledge of knowing Islam better together. I am very thankful and glad for being able to seize the opportunity to be in this bi'ah and get to be refresh my experience of attending the Syahadatul Haq sharing, for the second time since the day I walked in this path of tarbiyyah. 

Syahadatul Haq, is our witness over the truth in believing that Allah is the only God and Muhammad s.a.w is His Messenger; is neither just a normal daily speech or merely words uttered by people every single day in their lives, nor it is a simple oath that people need to say when they are reverting to Islam as the sign of their affirmation of faith towards this holy religion. This syahadah is more than that, and this declaration of faith contains the responsibility that every Muslim has to hold and carry in any parts of the world. 

Two times of getting this meaningful sharing gives me the same vibration in my conscious and sub-conscious  little heart as I had last time. I want to go back on track, like I did before, and continue the responsibility that Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. has left for his ummah to survive this dunya and the hereafter, in Allah's will. 

I am the ummah. 

  

The Blessed Quest

In the name of Allah the Almighty, I write. 

Living in a place far away from home has taught me so much about living this life. It would be an unfinished matter if we were to talk about life generally. The perspectives toward it has changed, and I see it clearly with a pair of newly opened eyes. The ukkhuwwah that we have and share with everyone around us here is totally different from its definition I learned when I was in my home country. The tie felt very close and the closeness is actually giving me more opportunity to breathe. In the chaos of catching the wave of the world, Allah has sent me amazing people to remind us, to give us signs of His Glorious love which never stops flowing in our every second and every minute of our day. Deep in my heart I could see the signs, I could feel them, and sometimes I could even touch them.

I never ever want to lose this feeling, the feeling of returning to Allah, and make Him to be above all. The quest to find the Ultimate Love of Allah was once stopped because I was too weak and couldn't fight my own weaknesses which ironically is stronger than me. What I have seen, and what I have heard are not even a drop of knowldege of what He holds for us. I feel stronger when I'm with Allah and I am lost without Him. He never leaves me, it's me who always forgot about him in any given time. Life is never easy and if it is easy for us, we won't be writing and reading this, talking about it.

The Nourished Soul

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious and the most Merciful.

Alhamdulillah, I'm still able to write again. I have not writing for quite some time. I was never as busy as I am now, but I always the chance to write, I had the opportunity to write down my deepest thought here. Though, I was like resricting myself from doing what I should have done when I have all the chances in front of me. I need time to clear upeverything in my mind. Everything is just indescribable. Too much exposure to many things at once gave me a terrible shock. Those things never left my mind, they stay and trigger the feeling of fear inside of me. Yes, I live in fear for quite some time, and I don't have the chance to tell anybody. Not because they are not there, but I made up mind not to breath even a word about it. 

Thus, I'm writing again. This is probably the most effective way for me to let everything out. This time, it won't be the same like any other blogs I had. I'm not writing to share with everybody, I'm writing for myself and I'm writing to communicate with my Creator. The one and only Creator of the Worlds, Allah. I want to spend more time with Him. I found out that writing using pen and paper is now less effective, at least for me, even though I have a diary given as my birthday present last year. Why? Because it's easier to type things out than writing it down on a piece of paper and the most significant answer; because we spend so much time in front of the screen. 

I would like to have a quality time with Allah, even when I am facing the screen, even when I am outside of the house, in town, at the outskirts of town, and most of all, everywhere. Sometimes I couldn't say it out loud when I pray to Allah, and I still couldn't figure out why. 

Hoping this will work out. I'm hoping for the best. This is the time. Insya Allah.

Alhamdulillah.